Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
