Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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