last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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