I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
