There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pooping to opera.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
