Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
