I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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