Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
