you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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