I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
