i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
