watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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