Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize