that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
