And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
