I hate all girls vehemently.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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