This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize