I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
