yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
