oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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