question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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