You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
