things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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