I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
