I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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