You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
