I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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