I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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