totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
