Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
