I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
