It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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