The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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