i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
