so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
