I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
