what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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