It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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