I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize