My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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