It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
