Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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