He asked to "fluff my boner.."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
