yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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