Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
