oh god the rape fog is back!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
