He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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