I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
