I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize