someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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