Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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