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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
