last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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