That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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