she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
