He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
