I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
