one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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