mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
