Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
