theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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