It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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