just tell him i said nine months
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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