Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
