i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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