i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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