Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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