That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
