we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
