There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
