Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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