the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
