Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
