yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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