She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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