Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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