dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
