If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
