Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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