Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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