Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
