remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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