You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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