Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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