Apparently you make a good broom.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
