I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
