Porn is love you can see.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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