Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
