her vagine was all disorganized.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
