dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
