my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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