just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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