i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
