So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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