If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
