"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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